August 29, 2024
by Grace Reynolds
The practice of kink can be a profoundly healing experience, especially for trauma survivors. Simply doing a scene, however, isn’t necessarily a healing experience. After all, someone can can re-enact the same scene over and over, and nothing moves. Nothing changes. No healing happens.
It’s the practices and structures around kink that provide the opportunity for healing. In a well-negotiated scene, participants have extensive communication about roles, expectations, boundaries, what to do if something goes wrong, how to stop a scene, and what kind of care is needed after everything is finished. And at any time, anyone can end the scene for any reason, and appropriate care is given.
The difference between simple reenactment and healing work is agency. Bodily autonomy. Control. In a word, consent. As the saying goes, the difference between a scene and an assault is consent (and everything that goes into providing risk-informed, enthusiastic consent).
A traumatic experience goes hand in glove with a loss of control. By negotiating boundaries around sexual experiences in a BDSM setting, someone may be able to experience empowerment and pleasure in a way that helps them realize their own autonomy, and then perhaps carry that forward into other areas of their lives.
It’s the structure that surrounds kink that allows healing to happen. When dealing with trauma, exceptional communication by all parties, with healthy doses of vulnerability and empathy, are critical to turning a scene into a healing experience.